Cinema Science

From the Belfast Telegraph:

The Cerne Abbas Giant is used to having things his own way. Not only does he wield two mighty clubs - one military, one anatomical - but he stands 55m tall, and has been considered a fertility symbol for four centuries.

Indeed, so potent is the Giant's chalky mojo, that couples struggling to conceive are still said to visit his hillside home for a grassy liaison. But yesterday there was a new alpha male in North Dorset. He wields a doughnut instead of a club. He has four fingers on each hand and four toes on each foot. Only three hairs sprout from his bulbous head. And his unmentionables are, mercifully, covered by the world's largest pair of Y-Fronts. His name is Homer Simpson.


The new chalk drawing is the brainchild of the publicity team behind The Simpsons Movie, which premieres in Britain next week. The artist Peter Stuart was commissioned to create a rival "chalk man" next to the Giant, and Stuart, a self-confessed Simpsons fan, leapt at the chance. The work - which, at 70m by 50m, required 200 litres of biodegradable white paint - started two days ago.

"We started very early on Sunday morning by laying the outline for the grid," said Stuart. "Today it's taken us over five hours to complete the painting of Homer Simpson. But it's all been worth it."

British Simpsons fans, whose legions include the Archbishop of Canterbury, Stephen Hawking and Tony Blair, will, no doubt, be tickled by the chalk Homer. But not everyone is happy. Pagans, who believe the Giant is a spiritual icon, are dismayed by this bold new artwork, and, in particular, the accompanying encouragement for young couples to "do it in the doughnut".

"It's very disrespectful and not at all aesthetically pleasing," said Ann Bryn-Evans, joint Wessex district manager for The Pagan Federation. "I'm amazed they got permission to do something so ridiculous. We were hoping for some dry weather but I think I have changed my mind. We'll be doing some rain magic to bring the rain and wash it away."

They should save their magic for a drought. The wet weather that has blighted the summer is set to continue (although Cerne Abbas could be dry until tomorrow) meaning that those wishing to see Mr Simpson in all his glory will have to move fast: as soon as the rains come, this Homer will wash away. D'oh!